My Girlfriend’s Perfect Ex Boyfriend by Peter Jones – Blog Tour
My Girlfriend’s Perfect Ex-Boyfriend by Peter Jones – Blog Tour
Publisher – Soundhaven Books
Pages – 282
Release Date – 5th October 2017
ISBN 13 – 978-0956885692
Format – ebook, paperback
Adrian Turner, Mountaineer, Secret Agent, Fireman… Ade would dearly like to be any of these things, though he’d trade them all to win the heart of feisty Public Relations Executive, Paige. Instead, he’s a disillusioned school teacher, on suspension, after an unfortunate incident with a heavy piece of computer equipment. And somebody’s foot. And Paige?
Despite being his girlfriend for the past eighteen months, she still seems to have one foot out of the door and hasn’t quite committed to leaving a toothbrush in the bathroom. Of course, it doesn’t help that she’s working with her ex-boyfriend, Sebastian. A man who in almost every way imaginable is better, taller, wealthier, hairier, and infinitely more successful than Ade.
Is Paige still in love with Sebastian? Why then did she suggest they get away for a few days? Some place romantic… But when Adrian finds himself in Slovenia – with Sebastian in the room down the hall – he realises there’s serious possibility that he’s in danger of losing his job, his mind, and the woman he loves…
In this scene, Adrian Turner (burnt out, disillusioned computer science teacher… and our hero) has the first of many interesting conversations with his troubled, star pupil Gary.
“Have you got kids, Sir?” asks Gary. I don’t look up. Looking up would simply encourage more questions.
“No,” I say after a suitable pause.
“But you’re married, right?” I close the exercise book I was marking, put it on the ‘done’ pile, pick up the next one, and flick through to the last entry.
“No Gary, I’m not married,” I say eventually.
“But you’ve got a girlfriend?”
I sigh. “Not that it’s any of your business but yes, I do have a girlfriend.” Though as I say those words I experience that familiar pang of doubt. It’s the feeling that yes, to the best of my knowledge, I do have a girlfriend, but there’s still an outside of possibility that when I get home I’ll discover that I haven’t.
“Does she want kids?”
Finally I look up. “Gary – what’s with this sudden interest in my paternal ambitions?” I ask. “This is detention. Not interrogate your teacher night. So, just… get your head down, and… keep writing.”
“But most girls want kids though, don’t they?” asks Gary. “I mean, that’s almost a fact.”
And that’s done it. I stop marking and put down my pen.
“Is it?” I ask.
“Yeah,” says Gary. Though I can tell he’s detected the edge in my voice. “Isn’t it?”
“Well, let’s think about that for a moment. What makes something a fact?”
“I dunno,” says Gary. “Evidence?”
“Very good,” I say. “So do you have any evidence for your assertion that most girls want to raise children?”
He thinks about this for a moment. “Well, my Mum said she wanted kids.”
“You asked her this?”
“Yeah,” says Gary.
“And have you asked anyone else?”
“Right. So. Would you say – in the context of our discussion – that your sample of one is statistically relevant?” I wait for Gary to wrap his head around my words.
“I dunno,” he says eventually. “Maybe. Depends.”
“Whether it’s true or not.”
“Let me put it another way; can you – based on the conversation with your mother – safely draw the conclusion that most girls want children?”
He brightens. “Yeah,” he says. “She’s my Mum. She knows stuff.”
“Okay, well, what if I was to tell you that my girlfriend doesn’t want children?”
There’s a part of me that knows we’ve entered dangerous territory. That suddenly I’m sharing extremely personal information with a student, and that generally, this is not a good idea.
But there’s another part of me that feels like I’m misleading the lad. Because whilst it’s true that Paige doesn’t want children – she’s said so many a time – how much of that denial is due to the fact that nature didn’t equip her with a functioning set of ovaries? How much of what she says is just a way of protecting herself? Were the situation reversed, were I unable to live up to the biological imperative, I too might tell myself that I didn’t really want children in the first place.
“She doesn’t?” asks Gary after a moment’s reflection.
“So now you have a sample of two. From which you might conclude, statistically, that fifty per cent of all girls want children, whilst the other half do not. But given our sample size, would you say that’s a fair assumption?” And I can see that my question has finally got him thinking. Though sadly, not about statistics.
“Does it bother you?” he asks.
“Does what bother me?”
“That your girlfriend doesn’t want children?” And I admit that I’m caught slightly off guard.
“No, Gary,” I say. “I’m just happy that she’s in my life. If she doesn’t want children that’s fine by me.”
“I suppose you’ve got us, right?”
“How’d you mean?”
“Well – you’re a teacher. So you’ve kind of got kids.”
“I don’t think fatherhood and being a teacher are quite the same job,” I explain.
“No,” he admits. “Maybe not. So you don’t want to be a Dad then?”
“I… not right now, Gary. Not especially.”
“Yeah,” says Gary. “I don’t think my Dad wanted to be a Dad neither.”
Peter Jones started professional life as a particularly rubbish graphic designer, followed by a stint as a mediocre petrol pump attendant. After that he got embroiled in the murky world of credit card banking. Fun times.
Nowadays, Peter spends his days writing, or talking about writing. He’s written three novels; a Rom-Com (Romantic Comedy), A Crim-Com (Crime Comedy), and a Rom-Com-Ding-Dong (a sort-of Romantic-ish Comedy, with attitude). He’s currently working on his fourth novel, which – if it’s a musical – he’ll no doubt describe as a Rom-Com-Sing-Song. (Spoiler: It isn’t).
He is also the author of three and a half popular self-help books on the subjects of happiness, staying slim and dating. If you’re overweight, lonely, or unhappy – he’s your guy.
Peter doesn’t own a large departmental store and probably isn’t the same guy you’ve seen on the TV show Dragons’ Den.